It wasn't long after Chad started his new job that I wanted to get back on track with a weight loss surgeon. I called the insurance company to find out if our insurance covered the surgery... after a few calls, the answer was no. No? What do you mean, no? For whatever reason, I was under the impression that it was pretty standard for insurance companies to cover weight loss surgery. Apparently not.
I was devastated. It didn't even feel like I was back at square one, I felt like the door was slammed in my face and that was that. What was I supposed to do? What did this mean about our fertility? Where did I even start?
I decided to start with seeing an OB/GYN again and seeing what she had to say about my non-existent periods. When I went in to talk with her, she didn't seem worried about my periods, and after voicing my concern about my fertility she suggested Clomid and Provera again. I didn't want to. I wanted to tell her that I had already been there and done that, but I wanted to hold onto some kind of hope and if that meant Clomid and Provera, then I guess that was what I was going to do.
Chad and I tried another 3 unsuccessful rounds of Clomid and Provera. Very disappointing, but I wasn't surprised. At that point the OB/GYN suggested I see one of the fertility specialists that visited the area from time to time. I made an appointment and just prayed that we would find some answers. I prayed that some weight would be lifted off our shoulders. At this point, two years into our marriage and two years of "trying", I was starting to let it bother me more than before.
Chad and I met with the fertility specialist... I didn't like him. He was quick, short answered, and just demanded that the tests we had done the year prior be done again. He also told me that as long as I was fat, that I wouldn't get pregnant. Thanks! Just what someone who has been dealing with weight issues for years wants to hear and definitely what someone who has been dealing with infertility wants to hear. It's your fault that you can't get pregnant, so drop the fork! Ok, so those weren't his exact words, but it might as well have been.
Back at square one, again! I was feeling all sorts of hurt and confusion. I thought our move was what God wanted for us, so what did God want for us in our marriage and personal lives? I was so very confused. My heart broke just thinking that this might be the end of the road, that this was a door closed and locked. My heart ached and yearned to know what God had planned for our lives.
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